Tuesday was quiet. My brother took me for breakfast. A cousin came over and the two spent most of the day together, which gave me some much needed decompression time. I was, however, dreading the funeral. Every time I thought about it, I felt like I was going to throw up.
Wednesday, 10/5/11, was the funeral. My brother took me for breakfast again. I don't recall what we did between breakfast and the funeral. My daughter helped me pick out what to wear. I didn't have a lot of options. The weather was warm and sunny and I didn't want to be too hot.
When we got to the cemetery, my friends were the first people I saw. Seeing them made me feel better. I hadn't even noticed I was tense until I felt it ease from my neck and shoulders. As I made my way inside the main building, I greeted family and friends. Once papers were signed we all proceeded to the chapel. It was the shortest funeral procession I'd ever seen.
At the last minute, Bo found a Catholic deacon in the restroom. My mother would have appreciated that little quirk of fate. The deacon did a short service and sprinkled holy water, which would have thrilled my mother. She was a Catholic at heart. People were invited to come up to the casket, but I didn't notice that anyone did. I guess when it isn't open, it's not as interesting! Bo let us talk a quick peek inside--mostly to assure my sister that it was indeed our mother inside. (She has a real issue about bodies not being where they should be.) But it also gave my oldest brother a chance to see her for the last time.
My visiting brother and I had already planned to go for dinner at a local restaurant and my daughter and her boyfriend were joining us. My other brother and his family, along with my sister were going to a much fancier place.
I couldn't help but wonder, if I wasn't already going with my oldest brother, would the others have invited me to accompany them? Further, if we hadn't had any plans, would we all have gone together? I'll never know, but I did have a really good Santa Fe chicken salad at Wolf's Head Inn. My brother got his favorite and my daughter tried flying fish (ugh) and her boyfriend had a bacon-burger. It was very good and we had a nice time.
I tried to take a nap when I got home, but I couldn't sleep. I brought my laptop downstairs and spent the evening with my brother since he was leaving very early Thursday morning.
All in all, his visit was good. I surprised myself by having a small, momentary regret that he wasn't staying another day. I think it worked out fine and I feel that all four of us siblings are a little bit closer now.
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